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Based on decades of experience observing reconciling leadership in situations of conflict, the 12 Habits of a Reconciler allow you to examine and strengthen your heart for reconciliation, and build resilience as a future leader in the midst of change, chaos and conflict.

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Far from a transaction between two people, hospitality is an expression of shared humanity. To be a risky host and to guest in spaces of difference is vital to an understanding of how we can disagree well.


Curiosity or a sense of wonder is crucial to the work of reconciliation. We are called to wonder and wrestle with and listen deeply to those questions that challenge our beliefs.


Generosity is the act of giving of ourselves without expecting anything in return. For people of faith, this is in imitation of the blessings that God bestows on us.


Empathy grows out of curiosity and generosity. To be empathetic one needs to temporarily put aside self and step into the experience of other.


Vulnerability is opening ourselves up emotionally and spiritually to others. Vulnerable, we are open to love and to joy, but also to the risk of being hurt, disappointed, or rejected.


Humility is not about debasing ourselves or setting ourselves up to be victims of abuse. It is striving towards a right relationship with God.


To lament is to name and mourn hurt and injustice when it occurs, both in the world and in ourselves, and acknowledging that there may not be any viable solution.


Forgiveness is messy and difficult. The boundary between victim and offender may be blurred. Forgiveness does not mean ignoring or glossing over an offense, but it does require letting go of it.


Gratitude begins with acknowledging that we are not the sole authors of the good things in our lives, but receive goodness and healing from others, the natural world, and God.


Hope is the ability to see beyond the current constraints and limitations of a situation, watching for signs that a given situation can improve.


Stewardship means caring wisely for the benefit of everyone. We must also be good stewards of our own person and ask ourselves frequently how are we choosing to spend our time, our personal resources, and our passions?


Creativity is an act of love. When we create, we are acting from somewhere unnameable deep within us to bring something new to those around us.

Want to delve deeper into the Habits?

We embed reflective practise of these behavioural characteristics and actions into all of our programmes through The Rose Way.

Download our 12 Habits PDF

This series offers a taster of three fuller versions being written by Jewish, Christian and Muslim theologians and practitioners who are exploring and applying each one within their own tradition.